Sunday, February 16, 2025

One last post for today...

 



And then I'm going to go relax by cleaning my house while listening to a murder podcast. I found this horrific list of books that have been banned or are in the process of being banned and a list of resources for anyone interested in the books they don't want us to be reading. 

The list includes:

  • 101 Questions About Reproduction: Or How 1+1 = 3 or 4 or more by Kathleen Stassen Berger, because it provides information on reproduction, sexual health, and family planning.
  • The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood - for its critique of religious extremism and patriarchy.
  • The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins - depicts an oppressive government and rebellion.
  • Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury -  censorship and media manipulation by the government; banned for its critique of authoritarianism.
  • All Are Welcome by Alexandria Penfolt - banned for its diversity, inclusivity, and the celebration of multicultural communities. 
  • A Room of One's Own by Virginia Wolf - which is banned for promoting female autonomy and free thought. 
You can check out the comprehensive list here and it is comprehensive, it includes thousands of books on sexuality, diversity, sexual health, family planning, abortion, resistance movements, and so, so many other topics. 

Finding peace in an insane time

 


My husband and my therapist, are both very wise people whose opinions I value, have told me that I need to unplug and step away from the madness occasionally for my sanity and my health. So here are some things I am doing to resist the current administration's efforts to destroy my life: 

1. Continuing to work as a research scientist as if my entire industry isn't being threatened by a bunch of ignorant hooligans. 

2. Calling things what they are. I believe sugarcoating this situation in friendly euphemisms is dangerous. What Donald Trump, Elon Musk, and their collaborators are doing is violating the Constitution and they are committing treason. Elon Musk is an oligarch who purchased our country for $300 Million in mediocre propaganda. Donald Trump is a sad puppet who is allowing Elon Musk to run our country like some start-up he bought. 

3. I am amplifying others' voices by sharing articles (and art) and disseminating information however I can. Sometimes that means posting on social media, sometimes that is exchanging horrific news stories with my friends and loved ones, sometimes that is telling a right-wing nutjob that they are wrong. Other times it's posting hideous pictures of Elon Musk and Donald Trump because they are vain, sad little men I will undermine them as much as possible. 

4. I'm listening to Taylor Swift. I like her music, it's great, and it's full of feminine rage that sounds really cheery until you actually listen to the lyrics and then you are like "Oh shit, that is dark". I think it really captures the duplicity of girlhood/womanhood, of being both a flower maiden and the queen of the underworld (shout out to Persephone). 

5. I am embracing my feminine rage. Women and girls have long been socialized to be quiet and ladylike. I'm going to be honest, this is something I always struggled with because I am curious, I have many strong opinions, and sometimes I cannot keep my mouth shut. This has caused issues for me in the past, and I'm sure it will cause issues for me in the future. But I'm done making myself small and palatable for a society that is going to demonize me no matter what I do. 

6. I'm doing a lot of knitting, mostly it's been flaming dumpster-fire beverage koozies, the pattern for which is courtesy of Pacific Knit Co, who posted the pattern on Instagram. I might make a flaming dumpster fire scarf next. 

7. I'm only buying from organizations that are continuing to support DEI initiatives and that are resisting the Trump Musk presidency. Actually, I'm not really spending much more than is necessary right now because I'm assuming that prices aren't going down any time soon. 

8. We are planning a garden. I'm not going to lie, this is primarily my husband's project, but I'm excited to grow stuff. That's right, we are bringing back victory gardens. Fighting fascism 1940's style. 

9. I'm finding joy in the little things: like how silly my dog is; how sexy my husband is while he is ... breathing, existing, murdering Nazis in video games; reading whatever interests me like I always have; exercising in whatever way appeals to me at the moment; spending time on self-care like doing my hair and my nails and continuing my previously abandoned search of the perfect red lipstick. Fun Fact: Hitler hated red lipstick, so it became a symbol of rebellion against the Nazi regime to the point that it was part of the uniform for women serving in the US armed services. 

10. I'm learning how to play the guitar. I'm still terrible, but it's so soothing. Some day I will be able to play and sing Jolene at the same time. 

Stay strong out there, Vive la resistance! 


It's been a really long 28 days

Image Credit: Resist by Portuguese cartoonist Zez Van. 

It's been a really long 28 days for the people of the United States of America, at least if you've been paying attention and reading the news like I have, these days feel endless. Trying to keep up with the news feels like an impossible task and maybe it is; but as a disabled woman, as a scientist, as an academic, as someone who is targeted by the Trump Administration in new and exciting ways every day looking away feels dangerous. Turning off my phone and disengaging from the news feels like a luxury I do not have. It feels like a luxury that we as a country do not have. Intellectually I know this is part of the plan, the Trump Musk Administration is hoping that if they keep the fire hose trained at us long enough we will disengage, we will turn away, and become complacent. I saw a post on social media, probably Facebook but I honestly can't remember, everything is shared so widely across platforms anymore where someone from the far right said that the Republican takeover of America would be bloodless if the Democrats let it be. But he didn't mean "Republican" in the way I learned in school, he didn't mean they would prioritize small central government and states' rights. No, he meant ultra-conservative, far-right, he meant fascism. As angry as I am at the people who have continued to stand by the Republican party as it has been taken over by the cult of personality led by Donald Trump and constantly screaming that they want to "Make America Great Again", I also understand that everyone is susceptible to propaganda. And for a long time, the MAGA crowd has become more and more rabid, while the Democrats watched and wrung their hands and gave them a platform from which to shout in the name of fairness. I remember when news sites insisted they were "fair and balanced" as they allowed people who spewed dangerous misinformation about the shape of the earth, the effectiveness of vaccines, the motivation of scientists, and all of this anti-intellectual vitriol was heralded as presenting both sides of the argument. Because in the United States we value freedom above all and our First Amendment is the right to free speech, and we hold this ideal as a bastion above all. The problem is, that free speech only extends so far, we've always understood this as a country, and that's why our laws prohibit hate speech. But we have gotten lax with the enforcement of those laws in our insistence that we "hear both sides" of every argument. I don't know exactly where it started, I suspect somewhere around the birther movement and Trump insisting that Barak Obama produce his long-form birth certificate because a very loud minority of American people were so invested in their idea of an America that only ever existed in a Maytag Ad in 1956, that they could not accept that the President of the United States, Barak Obama, might resemble America as she really is. If we had only dismissed this racist rhetoric for what it really is we might be in a very different place now, but unfortunately Donald Trump was leading this absurd rallying cry, and he is a very loud man with a large platform and people keep throwing their money at him just to see what he will do next. Before you say, "everyone has free speech in America, that's in the Constitution, it's literally the First Amendment." As I've said before free speech only extends so far, there have always been things that cross the line, and we have dealt with this in different ways in American history. Sometimes it is a very slow cultural shift that never quite fully abolishes the hateful language, other times it is labeled as hate speech in our courts, and using that language has real-world consequences, but how far that is enforced varies depending on where in America you are. After all, sundown towns still exist, and the KKK and neo-Nazis have become louder over the past few decades and we, the People of the United States of America, let them. 

It may have started with a rallying cry for our President's birth certificate, one that we should not have given into, but the Democratic party is always so obsessed with fairness and transparency, these are important virtues but you must recognize when you are trying to argue with someone who has been indoctrinated. I don't know what the correct move would have been, I'm sure smarter people than me have spent large portions of their lives trying to figure out what the right move was. But it was Donald Trump's foot in the door that allowed for more and more misinformation and dangerous, hateful rhetoric to become commonplace, normalizing Donald Trump. This has been the downfall of America. We, as a country, could not stop watching that strange orange man because he said the damnest things and we could not wait to hear what he would say next. He would make ridiculous accusations that people just couldn't believe, but then after enough shouting, we would start to normalize it and then he would say more ridiculous hateful things, and he would repeat it enough that we normalized it, and then even more absurd things would come out of his mouth, and we normalized it. This is the paradox of intolerance, we tolerated Donald Trump, we normalized him when he should have never been allowed into American politics let alone into the White House, and that is why we are watching our country be dismantled by Elon Musk and his dozen or so goons with hard drives. 

I am not saying that the United States has ever been without fault or that this is even the first time we have allowed hatred to take over our country. I would argue that it has always been there simmering on the back burner while we pretended to be a beacon of morality. America the Great! Home of the Free, Land of the Brave. We bought into our own propaganda of American exceptionalism and we looked away from the shameful parts of our past. But America is a country founded on stolen land; built by slavery, inequity, and child labor; with ideals that we foisted on anyone who would get near to hear us shouting because we were convinced that we have always held the moral high ground. The idea of American exceptionalism grew out of the cognitive dissonance the people of the United States needed to justify our actions in World War II, including the bombing of Nagasaki and Hiroshima. We justified it as a necessary evil, just like we justified slavery, putting American citizens in camps, and turning away refugees. We toasted as we drank our own Kool-Aid. 

Now I am really, really simplifying things and I am not a political scholar or a historian, I'm a scientist who loves to read and learn. I have spent much of my life being frustrated by and protesting against the failures of American politics. But I have never been loud about my thoughts, my displeasure, and my beliefs that we are tumbling into very dangerous territory. Part of this is that I was living my life, educating myself, and dealing with my own personal tragedies. Another part is I was trying to amplify the voices of movements like Black Lives Matter because I support them but as a white woman, I cannot speak for them. Another part believed in the idea that this could not happen here, not in America, where we held our freedom above all. 

But we have never been free, not really. For all of American history, we have been manipulated and persuaded by a small group of individuals who increasingly did not have our best interests at heart. This can be seen in rights gained by corporations as the rights of Americans have been slowly eroded. While we have made some very important gains that should not be diminished, the system has always been rigged against the American people. Now that Elon Musk (and his puppet, Donald Trump), have dismantled so many of our institutions we are at a crossroads, a fork in the road, if I can borrow an oft-repeated phrase these days, we can allow our country to continue its slide into fascism or we can take it back. We can remake this country as it was originally envisioned, for the people by the people. 

Tuesday, January 21, 2025

After a very long hiatus, I'm back!



As the title says, I am back, I'm well aware that almost no one reads this and it could absolutely be considered screaming into the void. I look back at my last few posts from 2016 that happened right after the election and I really wish I had kept blogging. I didn't because...well everything felt so awful and then I got really busy with life and then COVID and I just didn't have the bandwidth. And a lot of big, life-changing shit has happened since then. Here is a not-at-all comprehensive list of things that happened in my life in no particular order. 
  • I married the love of my life on Star Wars Day 2019.  Being in a supportive, healthy relationship with someone who I know 100% has my back has been life-changing. I do not know how I would have gotten through the last 6? 7? years without him. 
  • I quit my job as an Emergency Medical Dispatcher shortly before my wedding in 2019, not because I had decided to be a ~TRAD WIFE~ long before the trend existed, but because we were planning on moving to Arizona shortly after the wedding and there was a lot of coordinating that needed to be done between the wedding and the move and my first Master's Degree, which I was about halfway through at that time. 
  • I got a Master's Degree in Public Health! I did this online through the University of Arizona. Ironically I started the program before my husband and I ever started discussing moving to Arizona, but our first house in Tucson was walking distance from the University. The irony is not lost on me that I got a degree in public health during a global pandemic - I graduated in 2020 during peak COVID times - in a state that doesn't really give a shit about public health and so I could not find a job in public health during a global pandemic.
  • We moved to Arizona in July because that was the time that worked best for us (I had a short break between semesters) and it was terrible. Someday I will write about the worst move ever, but that day is not today. In retrospect, I should have seen it as a sign from the universe, even though don't super believe in signs from the universe, that terrible things were coming. And not the usual Arizona terrible things like six months of every day being hotter than 100 or cockroaches (so many cockroaches!) or being perpetually dehydrated and my mouth always kind of tasting like sand/dirt. New and exciting horrible things, historic horrible things! Literally eight months after we moved COVID happened, well more like 5 months after we moved, but it took a while (and dismantling some important institutions (Thanks FOTUS)) to really get going. 
  • I helped vaccinate 100,000 people with the COVID-19 vaccine! This feels like a million years ago now, but after I graduated from my first Master's program I could not find a job in public health and ended up working at a local hospital in registration (you know...that annoying person at the front desk that asks for your name, birthdate, insurance info, and firstborn). My job in registration was a little unorthodox as far as these types of jobs usually work because it was outside in a tent at a fairground in Tucson, Arizona and I didn't particularly care about insurance or payment because the COVID-19 vaccine was free. I only did this job for about 5 months - we started in January and shut down in May because Arizona is bloody hot and there was no way we could continue working outside. 
  • We moved back to the Pacific Northwest! The place where I was born (almost - that's a couple of hours south of where I live), the place where I was raised (since I was 5), the place where my husband and I met and fell in love and got married. The place of some of my best and worst experiences. Vantucky Washington, I have complicated feelings about you. But I really missed being close to my family and I desperately needed to be somewhere familiar, somewhere that felt like home, after the devastation of COVID. 
  • I got a Master's Degree in Biomedical Diagnostics! Technically it's a Master of Science in Biomedical Diagnostics but whatever. I also did this through an online program and also through a university in Arizona, but this time from Arizona State University (go Sun Devils?) and I did an accelerated program, which was rough. But two master's degrees in 4 years is bound to be rough no matter how you slice it. 
  • I learned how to knit, mostly to retain mobility in my hands, and because it’s super relaxing, but I love it! I’m currently making baby clothes for my friend whose wife is pregnant because I am excited for them! 
  • I am trying to learn to play the guitar! This was something I started because I was trying to retain the mobility in my hands but also because of TAYLOR SWIFT. I’m not particularly good at playing the guitar, but I really like it. 
  • I was diagnosed with ADHD and I finally had an answer to why I struggled through so much of my education and had to white-knuckle it through both master's degrees! I'm sure at some point I will talk about how I went undiagnosed until I was 36 years old (it's because of the patriarchy, FUCK THE PATRIARCHY!). Had I been diagnosed sooner I may have gotten the resources I needed to do well on the MCAT and may have gotten into medical school. Admittedly this has kind of worked out for me because of the myriad of health issues that I'm dealing with that would have made practicing medicine very, very difficult if not impossible. 
  • I got a super cool job in research! That I'm not going to talk about much here, just know that I am a ~*~super cool scientist ~*~! 
  • I had a lot of health issues, this does not get an exclamation point because it was terrible. It still is terrible, I have multiple chronic illnesses that have changed my life, and not in a good way. I'm still learning how to live as a disabled person and it's been bloody difficult. As if I, as a woman living in America during this terrible time, don't have enough shit going on. I'm sure I will talk about this more as it literally impacts my life every day, but hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger   ~*~ traumatized, but with a delightfully bleak sense of humor ~*~. After nearly a decade of working in emergency medicine, I did not know my sense of humor could get any darker, but oh boy has it!
** I got this photo from somewhere on the internet from someone who probably stole it from someone else on the internet and it feels so very appropriate today.**