This, I think, comes to the surprise of no one. Especially if you've ever had a conversation with me about books or you've seen my personal library. I am a voracious reader and I have a well rounded library and tastes in books, everything from comic books to books on theoretical physics to children's classics have made it into my collection. While my tastes in books is rather broad, there is one thing that is pretty constant in my collection and book history; I do not read garbage. That is to say, life is too short for bad writing, too short for terrible plots, too short for flat main characters.
This of course reminds me of a time when I was reading Pride, Prejudice and Zombies, something I should mention I am not proud of, but I thought it would humorous. Unfortunately it was terrible, it took a literary masterpiece and reduced it to a heaping pile of garbage. So when I accidentally spilled my cup of coffee on it, I unceremoniously chucked that sucker into the trash without a moment of hesitation. So without further ado, I present my list of books to avoid and the books you should read instead.
- The Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer: If you want to read about vampires try anything by Anne Rice or The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova.
- Anything by Stephanie Meyer: She a terrible writer, read almost anything else.
- Sense, Sensibility and Sea Monsters by Ben H. Winters (who thinks it's ok to bastardize Jane Austen): Instead try Sense and Sensibility the classic novel by Jane Austen, it's fantastic.
- Pride, Prejudice and Zombies by Ben H. Winters (another bastardized classic): Instead try Pride and Prejudice, it's a literary classic. Also Mr. Darcy is one of the sexiest men in literature.
- The Fifty Shades of Grey series by E.L. James: If you want to read erotica read almost anything ever written by Anais Nin, maybe start with Delta of Venus.
- Anything by E. L. James: Anyone who can make domestic abuse, stalking, rape and a bastardization of S & M acceptable to the general public is not someone I would ever waste my time and money on. Also she makes me embarrassed to say that my alma mater is WSU Vancouver.
- Romance Novels, I have to banish an entire genre because they are form letters pretending to be novels. They rot the mind, if you want to read a great love story try Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, One Day by David Nicholls, The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
- Broerature: This is a term I just made up, but it includes gems like I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max. Basically anything that is deliberately shocking for the sake of supposed "humor". These books tend to be terribly written, have horrendous grammar mistakes, and exist only to entertain other Bros. Instead read something that empowers women and will probably make you a better human like The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan, We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, or Men Explain Things To Me by Rebecca Solnit.
** You'll notice that I only put links to books that I would recommend, I cannot support the reading of garbage. So I have not made it easier for you to locate it.
** Image Credit: I found this lovely art print on Etsy by SacredandProfane.
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